My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
