Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
