you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
