Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
