I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
