i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
