im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
