Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
