We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
