I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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