The maid of honor just puked.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what day is it and did you see me today?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize