You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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