just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
