shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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