Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize