I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
