My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
