Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
