Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She is in my trunk
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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