I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
