broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
