also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
