so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
