Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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