careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
