she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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