And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
