I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
