summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
