Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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