Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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