just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
