Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
