you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
