Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
