Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize