Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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