giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
