I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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