I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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