As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
