I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
