i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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