He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Someone signed my nipple.
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