AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
