Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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