she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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