C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
