Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
