I smell stomach acid.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's shark week go big or go home
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
