I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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