Kareoke will never be a sober sport
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
