Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
