I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize