Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize
