Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
