at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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