I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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