guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
