Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
