Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
