I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I came so hard my ears popped.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
