break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
false alarm, still single
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