My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
