By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
