Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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