i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
