Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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