I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Watching her eat just hurts me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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